When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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