I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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