i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It was confusing and full of hummus
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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