If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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