Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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