Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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