"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
