keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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