Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
