You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
