i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
