I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
