when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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