You're so nebulous sometimes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
