Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
