All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
