I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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