You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
