Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
