and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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