i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
