i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
