hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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