well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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