His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
