just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
