I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
my liver is dry heaving
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
