apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
