the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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