So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
