My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
