i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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