Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
