what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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