she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
