just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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