dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
