Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
