If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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