Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
