marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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