you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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