Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
