Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
