I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
