if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
