How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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