I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
