I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
