they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
