what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
